


Just A Show (a Teen Wolf Musical)

by blueinkedbones



Category: Frozen (2013), Teen Wolf (TV), Teen Wolf (TV) RPF
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, Meta, breaking the fourth wall so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueinkedbones/pseuds/blueinkedbones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> <br/>jeff davis has a lot of feelings. so do sterek shippers, and tyler hoechlin. or is that redundant?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Name of Art (Frozen Heart)

****IN THE NAME OF ART (to the tune of Frozen’s Frozen Heart)**** [* ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MPGyx7N1XI)

 

**fan:**

once a movie, now a show

with romance angst and drama

this teen wolf thing gives me brain freeze

and post traumatic trauma

watch the seasons, watch for years

derek tortured till no one cares

stiles in Inception nightmares

jeff breaks our heart

all in the name of art...

 

**writers:**

breathe! whoa!

it's okay!

just a show!

breathe! whoa!

it's okay!

just a show!

 

muscled!

hairless!

shirtless!

guys!

a feast for the fangirl's eager eyes

 

**jeff:**

fanservice bad!

fanservice no!

 

**fan:**

fanservice is the whole damn show!

so!

 

once a movie, now a show

with romance angst and drama

this teen wolf thing gives me brain freeze

and post traumatic trauma

[—okay, there's comedy—stiles—i swear](http://highwaytohoech.tumblr.com/post/71711121946/whats-that-your-mother-asks-as-she-catches-a)

[hoechlin insists i write that here—](http://highwaytohoech.tumblr.com/post/71711121946/whats-that-your-mother-asks-as-she-catches-a)

[he showed up to make sure i share](http://highwaytohoech.tumblr.com/post/71711121946/whats-that-your-mother-asks-as-she-catches-a)

bless his fanboy heart

we're off to a great start...


	2. On a Ship (Do You Want to Build a Snowman?)

**ON A SHIP (to the tune of Frozen’s Do You Want to Build A Snowman?)**

 

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YwXff-i1fY)

**fan:** (spoken)

hey jeff?

**fan:**

here’s the thing about fanfiction:

it’s more than you might think

not just written by horny teens

women with porny dreams

who don’t want ships to sink

there’s fanfic of the bible

in classic art

and shakespeare is fanfic too!

are you really judging shakespeare?

would you ever dare mock shakespeare?

**jeff:**

…

**fan:**

well, would you?

 

truth is teen wolf is fanfiction

just like the fic you find online

and frankly if your frenzied fanon fic

can be called canon fic

then surely so can mine!

(and i ship sterek!)

you might not wanna write it

and I get that dude

but please don’t pretend you might

 

[a ship sinks in the stormy ocean; everyone in the audience sobs; this was a Bad Decision buddy I hope you’re proud of yourself]

 

 **fan:** (sadly)

jeff, okay, you’ve made your choice then

and I guess that it’s your choice to make

i’m getting through it but it’s pretty tough

even with sterek fluff

its a mistake

at least give derek something good

maybe stiles too

though nothing could be enough

at least we still have fanfiction…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if sterek will be canon. that would be pretty cool, unless it wasn't done well. this song is less of a prediction and more of a precautionary measure.


	3. For the First Time In Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's best sung with a friend, but you can do both parts if you just space it out a bit like i did while writing it--it might get a little hairy around that last "for the first time..." duet, but you can handle it.

**FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER (to the tune of Frozen’s same-titled song)**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOReid0vEwY) [(or here, if you're feeling confident, for the instrumental track)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVqN7HtyoD0)

**fan:**

3b barely makes me cringe at all

kira’s a princess, so’s mccall

“be your own anchor” was poignant as fuck

[i didn’t like scott hurting his friend](http://highwaytohoech.tumblr.com/post/72595964166/what-did-you-think-of-the-3b-premier)

[or the ableist shit; that’s gotta end](http://highwaytohoech.tumblr.com/post/72595964166/what-did-you-think-of-the-3b-premier)

but other than that, “anchors” barely sucked

there was actually continuity

which was refreshing as hell

nothing like the show we know too well

 

'cause for the first time in forever

someone’s vetting stuff i guess

or maybe you got better

at not making a mess

this could still be a fluke or something

but i loved most of season two

so for the first time in forever

i have faith in you.

**fan:**  (spoken)

okay, not faith exactly. i’m… agnostic. yeah.

i’m agnostic about your writing capability.

**fan:**

imagine a scene with scott mccall

from his perspective or not at all

for example, something with his dad

like stiles’ scenes about his mom

subtle and sad and sweet and calm

tell me, would that really be so bad?

and it’ll be a real heartbreaker

which seems like your favorite style

and posey would get noticed for a while!

for the first time in forever

we’d get scott’s thoughts from the source

not because stiles recaps

or scott screams himself hoarse

but in a way that’s totally touching

and makes us want to cry

jeff, for the first time in forever

can you at least try?

 

**jeff:**

no fanservice, i write for me

shirtless guys and derek torture sprees

danny

is me

this is my show

i won’t let this be the new glee you know

but i’m open to feedback

**fan:**

you’re open to feedback?

**jeff:**

i like it when you [ask](http://teenwolf.tumblr.com/ask)

**fan:**

he likes it when we [ask](http://teenwolf.tumblr.com/ask)!

**jeff:**

maybe i’ll add sterek to the pack

**sudden crowd of fans:**

they’re paaaaaack!

**fan:**

for the first time in forever ( **jeff:**  no fanservice, i write for me)

**fan:**

maybe pocs won’t die! ( **jeff:**  shirtless guys and derek torture sprees)

**fan:**

and love interests wont do evil things ( **jeff:**  danny is me)

**fan:**

that make our bbs cry ( **jeff:**  danny is me no fanservice)

**fan:**

and peter and gerard will be killed off ( **jeff:**  oh no)

**fan:**

and the future will be bright

'cause for the first time in forever

for the first time in forever

you’ll do something right!

 

(jeff davis immediately does something wrong)


	4. Darkness Around Their Hearts (Love is an Open Door)

**DARKNESS AROUND THEIR HEARTS (to the tune of Frozen’s “Love Is An Open Door”)**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6nnoWgbdvg) [(or, try the instrumental version if you're feeling zesty)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_SnMFx2RBk)

**fan:**  (spoken)

okay, can i make a suggestion?

**jeff:** (spoken, groaning)

oh my god. what now?

**fan:**

for a season there was hammy stuff which we all embraced

cuz it was hammy in a self-aware way

**jeff:** (spoken)

i’m guessing you mean

 

**jeff:**

scott failing at growling

and the hair on his face

and the way that stiles

was tentatively gay

**fan:**

but 3a ( **jeff:** god 3a)

**jeff:**

*facepalms*

**jeff:**

i know. the pace. ( **fan:** the slo-mo pace)

**fan:**

and the clunky references, to start

the darkness around their heaaaaaaaarts

darkness around their heaaaaaaarts

darkness around their hearts

okay—

**jeff:**

okay

 

**fan:**

okay

**jeff:**

okay!

**fan:**

darkness around their heaaaarts…

**jeff:**

okay the slomo, the melodramatic—

**fan:**

—everything.

**jeff:**  (spoken)

god, it’s just a show!

**fan:**

that doesn’t mean i don’t have a good point or three.

**jeff:**

fine!

**fan:**

fine? okay.

well i’m not here to be nice, man

just saying, take your own advice, man

and stop taking the show so seriously

 

poignant scenes can be poignant without

this a r t in italics ~ _art_ ~ 

darkness around their heaaaarts

darkness around their heaaaarts

**jeff:**

you think you’re all so smart, okay

**fan:**

okay

**jeff:**

okay

**fan:**

okay!

**jeff:**

you’re tearing me apart!

**jeff:**  (spoken)

why do you hate me so much?

**fan:**  (spoken)

i don’t hate you. i just think you can do better. ...or someone could do better.

...

essentially i think the show could be better.

 

[jeff smashes the fan’s computer at his feet. 

“you’re a monster!” the fan cries as a crowd gathers and jeff runs away]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't seem to sing the "a r t in italics ~art~" line without doing jazz hands. that's definitely optional, though.
> 
> next: jeff's emotional ballad/fuck you anthem, "Just a Show [Let It Go]"!


	5. Just a Show (Let It Go)

**JUST A SHOW (to the tune of Frozen’s “Let It Go”)**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH15p2dqvJk) [(or here, if the vocals just get in your way)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5r0i76VJqL8)

**jeff davis:**

the moon glows bright as i’m trying to write

but i’m feeling too adrift

the blank white screen shifts me back to

when they called my show a gift

the wolves are howling like stiles in a nightmare

i’ve screwed up again and i just don’t care

no fanservice

i write for me

shirtless scenes and derek torture sprees

danny is me

this is my show

have to say though:

 

just a show just a show

im just trying to have some fun

just a show just a show

i can’t possibly please everyone

honestly i could be so much worse

are there really critics

who mind that i’m trying to be diverse?

 

i’m gonna screw up

i’ll probably screw up a lot

the characterization, the villains, and the plot

continuity is pretty hard to do

how old is stiles? i don’t know, do you?

why should abuse be dealt with right?

how trite!

 

just a show just a show

just a thing i write for kicks

just a show just a show

why are you shitting bricks?

you’ll still watch

mark my verse

so why should i mind?

 

you’ll watch if stiles slowly starts to turn fifteen

you’ll watch if i kill kira for your faves still on the screen

her blood runs red just like the power in my eyes

you’ll watch no matter what, why should i even try?

just a show!

just a show

im just trying to have some fun

just a show just a show

i can’t possibly please everyone

so why try? you guys heard it first:

i do what i waaaaaaant!

honestly i could be so much worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next, “stiles is better than teen wolf (reindeer(s) are better than people)” aka tyler hoechlin’s song!


	6. Stiles is Better than Teen Wolf (Reindeer(s) Are Better Than People)

**STILES IS BETTER THAN TEEN WOLF (to the tune of Frozen's "Reindeer(s) are Better than People")**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caYlllBWLaw)

 

**hoechlin:**

[stiles is better than teen wolf](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/stiles+stilinski)

[humor](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/biggest+fan) and [drama](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/acting+talent) and [tears](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/post/56599625147/co-captain-commentary-pt-2)

yes teen wolf will stumble and plot hole and fumble

but stiles will still make you care

 

 **hoechlin:** (spoken)

[his humanity grounds the show.](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/humanity)

 

**hoechlin:**

but teen wolf means i can be [shirtless](https://twitter.com/TylerL_Hoechlin/status/237955730303508480/photo/1)

and show off my time at the gym!

it's not the acting

i planned on attracting

but i'll trade that for [scenes with him](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/he%27s+a+very+funny+man)

just him.

[3b is looking grim](http://highwaytohoech.tumblr.com/post/74028137596/all-im-saying-is-3-episodes-without-my-otp-in-the).


	7. Jeff Davis (In Summer)

**JEFF DAVIS (to the tune of Frozen's "In Summer")**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2jeR_OpOGE)

 

 **ian bohen:** (spoken)

[jeff thinks of everything. every detail.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9DpuuYFn_0)

 

**ian bohen:**

the Ts, the Is,

crossed and dotted at record highs

i doubt there's anything that gets by jeff davis...

 

'cause i'm still alive

burned and buried but i survived

my character has a purpose that drives jeff davis

 

kate won't be back, goodbye kali! and jennifer is gone

[but luckily, one bad guy—me!—keeps keepin' on...](http://collider.com/ian-bohen-talks-how-much-he-knows-about-his-characters-arc-the-most-unexpected-storyline-and-more-on-the-set-of-teen-wolf-season-3/)

 

it's my calve—

—alier charm

and nice musk—

—ular forearms

 

[and don't my tweets just up my karma,](http://swingsetindecember.tumblr.com/post/52303130986/trigger-warning-for-rape-victim-blaming) jeff davis?

 

dadada

dada

bada badada

i can't fathom why anyone would complain

i look at the script, and it's right as rain!

 

badadadda

badada...

my reincarnation was covered with sass

but jeff has the explanation in his....

 

 **ian bohen** : (spoken)

no! not ass!

_brain!_

 

**ian bohen:**

[my helpful dictionary](http://swingsetindecember.tumblr.com/post/52303130986/trigger-warning-for-rape-victim-blaming) is no help at all

in defining why my part is still so small...

 

but that's not

why i'm here

all blue-eyed and so sincere...

 

howling for you to hear about jeff davis!

 

**hoechlin:**

you can't think of _anything_ he missed.

 

**dylan:**

it's not worth it.

 

**ian bohen:**

_jeff daaaaaviiiiiiiiiis!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo this one's a bit wanky. content warning for rape discussion / general irritating snide bullshit at the links.


	8. For the First Time In Forever (Reprise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's even trickier to do alone, but you can do it! for a less challenging sing-along, get someone to play the fan to your jeff davis, or vice versa.

**FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER REPRISE**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcJW2YGlkxM) 

**fan:** (spoken)

jeff, let's talk about this. it doesn't have to be this way!

 

 **fan:** (spoken)

please don't ignore us again

 

**fan:**

please don't slam the door

we don't need that itchy fourth wall anymore

cuz for the first time in forever

you can give us what we'd like

not just tease us with queer baiting

and call cut and yell, “psych!”

 

 **fan:** (spoken)

but canon sterek's not all that matters!

 

**fan:**

we can help keep track of plot!

jeff we're countin' on you buddy

you're the only chance we've got

 

 **jeff:** (spoken)

you guys...

 

**jeff:**

this is my show

and danny's gay

making that Plot A is for a different day

 

 **fan:** (spoken)

but why—

 

 **jeff:** (spoken)

i know

 

**jeff:**

what i want

is just a show

with lots of abs and fight scenes in slomo

just let me have that teen wolf, let it go

 

**fan:**

you want us all gone?

 

**jeff:**

what do you mean gone?

**fan:**

are you saying you don't know?

**jeff:**

what might i not know?

**fan:**

sounds like we should stop watching the show

 

 **jeff:** (spoken)

what?

 

 **fan:** (spoken)

you're telling us to fuck off rather than critique, because you do what you want?

 

 **jeff:** (spoken)

critique?

 

 **fan:** (spoken)

yeah, constructive criticism.

 

 **jeff:** (spoken)

this is supposed to be constructive?

 

 **fan:** (spoken)

of course! we know you can do better!

 

**fan:**

cuz for the first time in forever

**jeff:**

of course you'll leave, i was so dumb

**fan:**

you don't have to feel critiqued

**jeff:**

audience as fickle as they come

**fans:**

we can help you make it better

**jeff:**

i got so off track!

**fans:**

and we'll watch the pack every week

**jeff:**

if i give them sterek will that bring them back?

**fans:**

don't worry

**jeff:**

the ratings tanked

**fans:**

we notice when you try

**jeff:**

when their ship sank

 

**fans:**

we still think you can be clever

**jeff:**

no!

**fans:**

you can make us watch forever

**jeff:**

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

**fans:**

and forever make us cry...

**jeff:**

IIIIIIIIIIII GIVE UP!

 

[jeff deletes all social media]

 


	9. Fix-it Fic (Fixer Upper)

**FIX-IT FIC (to the tune of Frozen's "Fixer Upper")**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHUvALTEDJQ)

 

 **fan 1** : (spoken)

but fic is fantastic! what's got you closing that tab?

 

**fan 1:**

is it the format of the fic?

like   do   the   spaces   seem  too    thick?

 

**fan 2:**

it it omegaverse but doesn't mention heat?

 

**fan 3:**

is argent using tumblr slang or

 

**fan 4:**

is there an unwanted gangbang or

 

**fan 5:**

do sentences just hang

 

 

there all unfinished for a beat?

 

**fan 1:**

so its a fic that could use a good beta

so the grammar's unique

 

**fan 6:**

it's a wip

 

**fan 7:**

and kind of ooc

 

**fan 8:**

and derek growls and never speaks

 

**fan 1:**

so it's a bit of a fixer-upper

but it still does the trick

when the show is kinda faltering

you can fix it all with fic!

 

 **hoechlin:** (spoken)

can we just talk about the show? you know, the real show.

 

 **fan 1:** (spoken)

have you ever read dilf?

 

**fan 1:**

is it the constant shifting tense

 

**fan 2:**

or does the plot just not make sense?

 

**fan 3:**

or are you waiting for an update for six years?

 

 **fan 1:** (spoken)

that's nothing!

 

**fan 4:**

did slipped away help answer

why you don't read fics with cancer

because pack angst and romance are fine 'til someone disappears

 

**fan 1:**

so its a fic that could use a good beta

so its unwarned underage

 

**fan 6:**

is it 5 of 6 chapters

 

**fan 7:**

just missing the after

 

**fan 8:**

like a book with everything but the last page

 

**fan 1:**

so it's a bit of a fixer-upper

but as i'm sure you know

with every flaw a fic can have

it still beats the real show

 

 **hoechlin:** (spoken)

hey! that isn't fair! we work really hard making that.

 

**dylan:**

so it's a bit of a fixer-upper

 

**posey:**

it's still pretty rad

your acting's ace, man

 

**dylan:**

and i like your face, man

[and hoechlin's shirtless, can it be that bad?](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/you%27re+so+sexy)

 

**crystal:**

so it's a bit of a fixer-upper

 

**holland:**

some people had to go

 

**hoechlin:**

[we pitch extra scenes](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/post/61649433468/not-the-alpha-a-really-great-touching)

 

**dylan:**

and have some laughs offscreen

 

**all cast:**

but we're still proud of the show!

 

**dylan:**

we're not saying it's perfect

there's plenty of mistakes

a couple lines

take twice the time

when we screw up the takes

 

**posey:**

but jeff has got a massive job

and critics on his back

he's trying, and that's pretty huge

 

**fan 2:**

he's trying, and that's pretty huge

 

**ian bohen:**

so cut the guy some slack!

 

**fans:**

let's cut the guy some slack!

 

**fan 1:**

every fics a bit of a fixer-upper

even the fic on air

 

**fan 2:**

merlin, sherlock, and reign

 

**all fans:**

jeff, when we complai-ain

we do it

'cause we care

 

**fic writing fans:**

every fics a bit of a fixer-upper

but we still

stick around because

half the nitpicks and the critics are

the ones writing their own fics where

they panic trying to fix their own fucking flaws!

flaws flaws flaws flaws flaws flaws! flaws flaws flaws flaws flaws

fucking...

 

 **fan 1:** (spoken)

oh god, i just found some fic i wrote two years ago. someone kill me.

 

**fans:**

_flaws!_

 

[group hug]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S ALL FOLKS :D
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	10. Hoechlin's Song (Credits Edit) (Reindeer(s) Remix (Outtake))

**HOECHLIN'S SONG (CREDIT'S EDIT) (to the tune of Frozen's Reindeer(s) Remix (Outtake))**

[(click here to sing along)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh5ShIPHZOg)

 

**hoechlin:**

[stiles is better than teen wolf](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/stiles+stilinski)

[humanity](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/humanity), [humor](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/biggest+fan) and [tears](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/post/56599625147/co-captain-commentary-pt-2)

yeah teen wolf will stumble and plot hole and fumble

but stiles will still make you care

 

nana nanana nanana

nana nanana nanana

nanana nananana stiles

 

nanana nanananananana

[uh… so here’s my batcave, uh…](http://youtu.be/RfHLVBy1h1U?t=37s)

**hoechlin:** (blushing furiously)

nanananananana stiles

 

nanananananana

nanananananana stiles!

 

but teen wolf means i can be [shirtless](https://twitter.com/TylerL_Hoechlin/status/237955730303508480/photo/1)

and show off my time at the gym!

it’s not the acting

i planned on attracting

but i’ll trade that for [scenes with him](http://hoechlinlovesstiles.tumblr.com/tagged/he%27s+a+very+funny+man)

just him…

[3b is looking](http://highwaytohoech.tumblr.com/post/74028137596/all-im-saying-is-3-episodes-without-my-otp-in-the)—

I don’t like the way this is seemin’

just cuz dylan’s possessed by a demon

that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t see stiles

better have a heartfelt reunion

but why can’t that shit happen soon, fin-

ish [season 4](https://twitter.com/TylerL_Hoechlin/status/419409430778630144) with more stiles!

nanananananana

nanananananana stiles!

 

is sterek gonna be canon?

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT EVEN IS THIS? IDK


End file.
